Saturday, 12 May 2012

The Beauty of being Solitary

Today, I took myself on a little adventure. 

I won't lie, in the past I was fearful of doing things alone. It scared the hell out of me. 

However, I am slowly developing the ability to go out, alone and feel confident. 

Today's journey had a purpose, but as I discovered, the purpose was not were I found the joy. 

The joy was in; not having to answer to anyone, not having to ask permission to do things and go places, not having to worry about anyone's needs or timetable but my own, not having to race to toilets for my little people, not having to find food that everyone else likes for lunch and not being asked constantly "are we there yet?" and "can we go now?". 

However along with this joy, that nasty little critter guilt had hitched a ride and whispered to me, "You're a bad mum, how can you possibly enjoy being away from your little people?". 
For a long time I sat looking at the ocean thinking about that, and I realised; they are safe, they are with their father, the opportunity to share my day with them does not exist and then I felt a sense of relief, I had no reason to feel guilty. 

And I went back to the joy, I drank my hot chocolate and ate my spinach and feta muffin and enjoyed the silence and the breeze on my face.

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